Whether you re having sex alone or with a partner, it s normal to get distracted during sex. But overthinking it can actually make you less focused and less pleasurable!
For instance, if you re having pain, it could be a sign that there isn t enough lubrication. This is usually easy to fix with store-bought lubricants.
1. Breathe
Breath work is a powerful tool for increasing pleasure. You may have heard of deep breathing exercises to help calm down or relax, but you can also use it to enhance your sexual experience. The key is to focus on the rhythm of your breath and to synchronize it with your partner.
When you are close to an orgasm, your breathing often becomes faster and shorter. This is because your brain recognizes that you re getting closer to a peak and wants to speed things up. However, slowing down your breathing can prolong sex and increase the intensity of the orgasm when it does arrive.
To practice this, begin by lying down or sitting comfortably and paying attention to your breath. Notice how your shoulders move as you inhale and exhale. Next, try to synchronize your breathing with your partner — either while you re alone or during any intimate moment. As an extra challenge, you can even make your breathing audible by sighing or making other sounds. This will create a more full, sensual experience and stimulate the erection muscles of the pelvic floor.
2. Touch
While we re often taught that sex only feels like penis-in-vagina penetration, it actually feels a lot more — including oral, hand, anal, and outercourse sex. And that s because it s an emotional experience in addition to a physical one.
Touching can be a great way to feel like you re having sex, so try rubbing and touching your partner (or yourself) in slow and sensual ways during foreplay. Touch and caress your breasts, abdomen, thighs, arms, neck and hands. Touch your clitoris — it tingles when it s wet, so rub it and experiment with the different pressures that make it tingle the most.
It s also important to communicate during intimacy so that everyone knows what kind of touch they enjoy and how far they want to go. If someone is uncomfortable or wants to stop before they reach their goal, it s important to communicate that clearly and calmly so they don t become frustrated. It s not a sign of failure or anything else — it just means they need to change something up.
3. Smell
Many people notice the distinctive smell that lingers after sex, especially when they orgasm. The scent is caused by a combination of semen and vaginal secretions. The level of PH (which is a measure of acidity and basicity) of the two things is what gives sex its unique scent. Semen has a higher PH than vaginal fluids, so it smells more strongly.
The smell can also change depending on how clean you are and if you shower. Dirt, sweat and bacteria from the pubic area or skin can make sex smell worse. You can also add a bit of sexy scent to your body with scented lube or perfume, but be careful not to overdo it. Too much perfume or cologne can be overwhelming for your partner and can cause them to be uncomfortable.
Ejaculate can have a strong, cheesy or meaty smell, and it might also have an oniony or fishy scent depending on what you were eating before sex. You can help keep this scent from happening by using an odor-free condom, like a female condom, which are made of nitrile rather than latex.
4. Taste
When most people think of sexy taste, their minds might immediately jump to oysters, dark chocolate, and scenes of squirting whipped cream onto someone’s body. While aphrodisiacs and whipped cream are certainly fun options, there are many other ways to engage your taste buds during sex, whether you’re having P-in-V or oral sex or hand sex or outercourse.
For example, adding a touch of cinnamon or cloves to your toothpaste can make vaginal fluids and semen taste a little sweeter. A cup of coffee with a hint of bitterness will also make erogenous zones (like your nipples and clit) taste a bit more intense, and foods like celery and parsley can help vaginal secretions feel smoother and softer.
And for those who love to explore oral sex, cooking together and feeding each other can heighten intimacy and arousal. And of course, there are plenty of sexy lubes and products that will add flavor and enhance sensation. The key is finding what’s right for you and your partner — whether it’s peppermint, ginger, or honey.
5. Listen
If you’re having trouble staying engaged during physical intimacy, try using your sense of hearing. Listening to music, a podcast or even white noise can help you focus your attention on what is happening.
It’s also a good idea to communicate with your partner(s) during this time, as non-verbal cues can be misread or missed. If you’re uncomfortable, stressed, or in pain, speak up, and make sure you use clear language to communicate your needs.
As for the audio part of it, some people find that listening to rhythmic music, like hip-hop, latin or rock, helps them get into the zone. According to Wahl, his studies have shown that music can activate the pleasure and bonding centers of the brain during sexual activity.
And remember, sex is a dance between two humans (or more if that’s how you roll) and it’s not always going to be a flawless, perfectly-executed thing. It’s supposed to feel messy, and that’s a beautiful thing!
